Ten ways to deal with Anger
More often than not we suppress our anger, or carry around our anger and not know what to do with it, until it erupts uncontrollably. Here are 10 things we can do to effectively deal with and release anger for better living. Applying these suggestions may not get rid of anger forever, but they should allow you to develop a clear understanding of what brought you anger, and how you can deal effectively with it.
These steps are not meant to take the place of any therapy that might be of benefit to those that suffer from deep trauma. Those people would do well to seek out professional assistance. But for the average person with day to day concerns I put together the following points.
So, if you’re ready, here we go:
1. Nobody can effectively deal with something they don’t acknowledge.
Let yourself acknowledge when you are angry. For some, this is easy because they’ve learned how to be alerted enough to their emotions but others may need some help with identifying what they feel. Here are a few tell-tale signs that you might have some anger ‘under the hood’:
* You often wake up with your jaw clenched.
* You don’t want to make eye contact with certain people in your life.
* You are suffering from insomnia.
* You are accident prone.
* You often feel like a victim of circumstances.
* You find that you have a dry nagging cough without having a cold.
* You procrastinate and find life’s little necessary details overwhelming. And there are many more signs, but just asking yourself and opening up to the truth of what you feel can help you there.
2. Allowing your feelings.
Imagine yourself walking down a corridor and there’s a hook sticking out from the wall that you catch your clothing on. If you keep forcing forward you will snagged and inevitably damage your clothing, but if you take a step back you’ll be able to release and proceed unharmed. It is the same with anger and any negative emotion: if you take a step back and let yourself be where you are, you will be better able to move forward.
Psychological studies show that suppressed anger can lead to depression, eating disorders, addictions, anxiety and a life that generally does not work well.
So, allow yourself to be angry for just a little while, that is to really FEEL the anger while not judging yourself about it.
3. Find positive ways to express your feelings.
There are negative ways to express your anger that will not help you deal but will increase the drama in your life and can cause further upsets, like: seeking revenge on people, looking for escape in substances, violence, venting your emotions directly to the person’s face (although sometimes the latter option happens despite better judgements, even to yours truly, and it’s not always with negative results, but you’ll be taking a risk that it won’t turn out as you hoped). And there are positive ways to vent like: writing an angry letter and holding nothing back, then burning it. Or driving somewhere a bit isolated and shouting it out (very satisfying!) or punching a pillow, twisting a towel, chopping wood, going for a run etc... Once you allow yourself to let go, it can really become fun!
4. Time to dig deeper behind the anger.
Anger is a response to certain habitual thoughts. Even if we face a particular situation for the first time- chances are that we react with anger only when we translate what’s going on through habitual fearful thoughts, such as: “If they charge this much, I’ll have no money left for me” (=there’s never enough money for me), or “He looked at that woman like he is attracted to her, this means he thinks I’m not hot enough and he’s going to leave me” (=there’s never enough love for me), or “my kids never pick up after themselves, they must think I’m their slave” (=there’s never enough appreciation for me) etc. Learn to stop and listen to those habitual thoughts (that are very often only assumptions) and see what loops are you unconsciously running in your mind that upset you. As you increase your awareness of what’s really running your behaviour and experience, you have a much better chance to question those assumptions you follow blindly. Once you do that, you almost always find that you scared yourself silly with them, that you are more powerful in affecting your experience and that people around you were much kinder than you gave them credit for.
5. Take responsibility.
See what this situation is mirroring to you? What is your part in this drama? This can be a difficult task if you’re still defending yourself and your actions, but only taking responsibility where it’s due can bring you back into your power and help you find your freedom of action under any and all circumstances.
6. Let go.
This is why some speak of forgiveness. It is the decision to see the other as innocent as you would like to see yourself, because all of us make mistakes and all of us act unconsciously from time to time. As you offer forgiveness to the other, you often find that you can more easily forgive yourself for your part in it. This is the golden opportunity that lies in the experience of anger. The opportunity to love ourselves more completely. Once you achieve that, you can draw a line under the anger and blame and free yourself from the past.
7. Turn your attention to what you now want.
Experiencing what you do not like always gives you a clearer idea of what you now prefer to experience. As you identify what you now prefer, you can start imagining yourself in this new reality, if only for the fun of it! If you were cheated on, you can imagine what it would be like to live in a trustworthy relationship. If the boss gives you too many tasks, you can imagine what it would be like to have an understanding and relaxed boss etc. Once you identify what it is you actually want, you can communicate this more clearly to others, and in your clarity and peace they can better understand you instead of becoming defensive.
8. Give yourself what you were hoping to get.
This is self-empowerment and self-love of the most effective kind. If you were upset that your neighbour was inconsiderate, and you discover from this that what you really want is more consideration, then explore how you could be more considerate to yourself. Where are you not considerate? Do you give out to yourself incessantly? Do you block yourself from doing what you love to do? What steps can you take to remedy that? It is not selfish to treat yourself nicely, it ends up positively effecting all of your environment. As you are happier, you are inevitably kinder to others.
9. Appreciation and Gratitude.
In absolutely every situation, there are one or two (or even 10!) things that you can be grateful for. Make it a game to find them, and voilà!...you’re in the receiving zone. The receiving Zone is when you are open on all levels to receiving what you ask for. The more you find things to be grateful for, the more pleasing things come to you. This is because now you’re not complaining about your current reality, you know what you want and you are able to recognise it when it comes.
10. And finally, relax and enjoy life.
We take life way too seriously sometimes and find endless reasons to stress and fuss over little things. Find opportunities to play more, be around children, go out in nature and do those things you love to do.
After all, life is for living!
Maya Benharroch is a Life Coach with a metaphysical twist. She has trained in Life-Coaching, Yoga and Meditation, Laughter Yoga, Rebirthing, NLP, Group Work Facilitation and Quantum Healing. She has many years experience on how to transform negative beliefs into positive and has offered many workshops and individual sessions coaching people on Anger Releasing and Living Your Joy. She is currently working with individuals to achieve happier and more satisfying relationships.
For more info or to book ‘Beyond Anger’ individual sessions, or ‘Relationship Coaching’ contact Maya Benharroch:
085-7154200, or [email protected]
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